“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”
That illusion always falters, always.
I know I can't possibly know what to be completely alone really feels like because to be perfectly honest, I've never truly been alone. But you can be surrounded by so many others, and still feel completely trapped, isolated, unheard...alone.
I've never been popular. I've never fitted in. I know it's not about the 'fitting in' but for once, I would just like to know where i stand. I've always been the one forgotten when party invitations were given out, or left out of conversation, left out of games; everything in general, it was always me.
Right now I feel more alone than ever.
Two close friends, whom i love so much are here for me and understand everything but i come home alone every day from college and i'm back to feeling alone.
You. You're miles away. Miles away when i need you. I feel so lost without you here to catch me when I fall, to cuddle me and say everything is going to be okay, and to hug me to sleep...
Alone.
You may or may not know what's been going on in my life lately, but just know, nothing is okay. I'm good at faking smiles, but deep down, I feel like crying, screaming, kicking the walls, breaking things...doing things i shouldn't.
But i promised you I wouldn't do that, didn't I? .. i'm keeping it..just....
It just feels like I'm being left out of everything. Three's a crowd. I'm left out.
I feel left out and i just cant explain it. I feel like i have no one. Whether you say I have people that are always here for me, they're not truly here, with me... it's amazing, but it's not enough.
When you love some one so much you get jealous. They get jealous back and I cant help feeling left out when certain friendships form and they get to close. Jealously can be a good thing though, it just means i care, okay? ..
left out. left out. left out.
Breaking up from college tomorrow.
Then i'll have no one. Nothing.
I hate my family. They hate me. I love you. I want you here.
Thank you to every one who is so lovely and supporting me though, I really do appreciate it.
i cant explain this well at all, but everything in my life, I just don't seem to be a part of any more.
i'm always the one left out. always. even with the people i love the most.
Enough ranting. I'm typing in the dark and can't see...
I'm sick of this. Sick of everything.
You make me wanna die...
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world..
