“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”
That illusion always falters, always.
I know I can't possibly know what to be completely alone really feels like because to be perfectly honest, I've never truly been alone. But you can be surrounded by so many others, and still feel completely trapped, isolated, unheard...alone.
I've never been popular. I've never fitted in. I know it's not about the 'fitting in' but for once, I would just like to know where i stand. I've always been the one forgotten when party invitations were given out, or left out of conversation, left out of games; everything in general, it was always me.
Right now I feel more alone than ever.
Two close friends, whom i love so much are here for me and understand everything but i come home alone every day from college and i'm back to feeling alone.
You. You're miles away. Miles away when i need you. I feel so lost without you here to catch me when I fall, to cuddle me and say everything is going to be okay, and to hug me to sleep...
Alone.
You may or may not know what's been going on in my life lately, but just know, nothing is okay. I'm good at faking smiles, but deep down, I feel like crying, screaming, kicking the walls, breaking things...doing things i shouldn't.
But i promised you I wouldn't do that, didn't I? .. i'm keeping it..just....
It just feels like I'm being left out of everything. Three's a crowd. I'm left out.
I feel left out and i just cant explain it. I feel like i have no one. Whether you say I have people that are always here for me, they're not truly here, with me... it's amazing, but it's not enough.
When you love some one so much you get jealous. They get jealous back and I cant help feeling left out when certain friendships form and they get to close. Jealously can be a good thing though, it just means i care, okay? ..
left out. left out. left out.
Breaking up from college tomorrow.
Then i'll have no one. Nothing.
I hate my family. They hate me. I love you. I want you here.
Thank you to every one who is so lovely and supporting me though, I really do appreciate it.
i cant explain this well at all, but everything in my life, I just don't seem to be a part of any more.
i'm always the one left out. always. even with the people i love the most.
Enough ranting. I'm typing in the dark and can't see...
I'm sick of this. Sick of everything.
You make me wanna die...
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world..
5 comments:
aww sarah i know exactly where you're coming from. i know what it's like to be completely alone. i feel like i have no one at times but having a friend like you has been so awesome.
some people can be such dicks and i should know. i have had far too many people hurt me in the past, who have betrayed me, screwed me over and given me shit. but you know what, i just ignore them. some people are not worth the time.
sarah just remember. you are awesome and never ever let anyone tell you that you're not because you really are.
you really are amazing. i will always be here for you. love you girlie. xx
Hey Sarah.
I haven't been on youtube since I started uni and you probably don't remember me but you're on my dailybooth and I don't follow youtube anymore but was on there today just seeing what was up with you and things. Then I obviously found this link on your db and read it.
Just wnated to say I know how you feel about being left out, and feeling like you're on your own all of the time and you're wasting the best years of your life feeling like you don't want to be.
It's different having real friends than having a bunch of people who love you over the internet. But people care, and they can only truely understand you if they're there with you.
I'm 20, and if you need advice or something to write words to on msn or something I'll try and make you feel less alone. I know you have a lot of support so you probably won't really care to speak to me, but the offer is there.
All the best. :)
Janine (clicheddisaster)
i would die for you, my love, my love.
remember we are here, ever going to let us in?
♥,Rachel
Omg I know exactly how it feels...
I feel the same all the time.
The Girl
I know exactly how you feel... life can seem like a roller coaster thats always dropping and waiting for it to come up.. I've dealt and continue to go through some of those things.. Feelings of isolation from the world, friends and family and despair thats it never going to change or get better despite hoping for it.
All i can say is that it WILL get better, you may not be able to change people even your family... but their are people out there who care and are worthy of being your friend and not just someone to hang out with when its convenient for them...
When all else fails pray on it. It REALLY does WORK..God Bless
Austin
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